Let it Out

I just need a session where I just let every single thought out of my mind.

And I shall do it here.

First off, I have mutual friends with this chick who shares the same likes and dislikes as me and likes the same shows as me, which is kinda weird but actually pretty cool, AND she's filipino.

I've never met her in actual person, but a lot of my friends are friends with her, so it's not like she's a complete stranger.

And second,

I don't think I will ever feel comfortable in my own skin.

I don't think I'm pretty, and I don't think I'm skinny, and it's always been that way since third grade.

Third grade was when I was pretty much taller than everyone and quite the chubby bunny.

I was a little shorter than I am now, but ever since I started growing, I haven't felt comfortable with myself.

I thought being kind of tall was cool for a while, but it wasn't fun towering over my friends.

The years went on, I gained more weight each year, and then my growing slowed down.

I'm 5'3'' I think now and I weigh more than the average 5'3" person because of the muscle in my legs and the fat in my stomach.

I was forced to do squats every single day by my dad so I could get more power in my kicks for soccer.

It worked out, but now I have these huge thighs and calves.

For those of you that know me, you'd probably say that my calves/thighs are not that big, but they're bigger than everyone elses.

Also, I love to eat. My metabolism isn't as fast as most Filipinos which sucks because I'm the child who weighs most in my family.

My little brother calls me fat everyday and he doesn't know how much it hurts for me to hear him say that, which might be a reason as to why I think I'm fat.

I broke down one time three years ago because he called me fat, but he doesn't stop.

And I honestly don't care anymore because I know it's true.

Even though I try eating healthy, it doesn't work for me. I work out, and eat healthy food, but I don't lose the weight.

I'm not bulimic or anorexic.

But when I hear a really skinny chick  say that she's fat,

it just pisses me off because what the're saying is making a person that has more weight on them feel even bigger which is a sucky feeling

I'm just not happy with the way I look, and that is the same for almost every single person in America.

That's all I have to let out for today.

-Nikki